Even though I was raised in a monogamous home my parents were very liberal minded. As baby boomers who found their financial success (and the freedoms that came with it) in the 1980's they enjoyed letting go. Nothing made my parents happier when the work week was done and their familial responsibilities were taken care of, than getting together with their friends to socialize and party in ways that mirrored what was going on in Studio 54.
Years later when I was older and talking with my parents about my struggles in my own relationships as I tried desperately to date my way toward, " I do" they shared with me some of their wisdom from their youth. Their participation in the sexual liberation experienced by many of their generation in 70's and 80's left a lasting impression.
In the 19th century when women were suffering from hysteria (aka sexual frustration) the prescription was to have the doctor stimulate them to orgasm. Which of course wasn’t even termed orgasm because women were supposedly unable to climax like their male counterparts. We sure proved them wrong!
This treatment was super popular for the ladies but the doctor's really suffered —hand fatigue. Given how primitive Western medicine was I can't even imagine what the treatment for carpal tunnel must have been.
"It's alive! It's alive!" Frankenstein hysterically screamed.
Sexual arousal is our bodies response to being sexually stimulated. When our five senses (touch, sound, taste, smell, see) get stimulated either in reality or fantasy we experience the feelings of pleasure that come along with it.
Pleasure is personal, not universal. Thus making one gal’s passion for pleasure can be another's poison. Successful sexual arousal asks the we learn the language of our partner's bodies and mind with the same interest in detail we give to ourselves. If we've been neglecting getting to know ourselves now would be a great time to start!
The search for "the one" can be an arduous task. For some people it happens in a moment, "I knew she was the one the moment I laid eyes on her." For others it feels like we're stuck in our version of the story of Sisyphus who was punished to repeatedly roll a huge boulder up a hill only to watch it come back down and hit him again and again.
Happiness is the ultimate game of hide-n-seek and most of us believe if we can just find the one, the person of our dreams, the ultimate relationship and love of our loves...then we'll be happy.