Toxic relationships are not based on love and respect.
They often sound like this:
I have been sucked into the black of hole of texting with a potential date for the last time. Online dating would surely send me to a therapist's office before it actually produced the result I was hoping for. If I ever met this guy in person, I’d surely ask him for a thumb massage.
Like many, I signed up for the quest of love and a (very) serious long-term relationship only to find myself continually fatigued from texting. DELETE.
My relationships have made me realize, I am not as strong as I think I am. Through the immense joys and upheavals that is inevitably part of loving someone besides yourself, I have come to realize---I am tender hearted...and I hate it.
“Be kind to your heart,” she said to me several times, as an equal, a mentor and woman who was once broken-hearted too. Until that moment, I thought I had been.
There is a surge in holiday hook-ups every year from November to February. For singles it often starts at the end of summer with a rush to find someone before we are inundated with family and holiday social events where everyone is inevitably paired off or married. With hoards of people getting off work for the holidays there is plenty of time to date, be with your mate and even take a vacation. The combination of social pressure and time makes for perfect "time-to-find-a-mate" scenario.
Did you ever have a friend from long ago who calls to reconnect with you only to realize she has something to sell…I mean tell you about your life (the one she has not been apart of for years) that could be helpful?
As I chatted with my one-time friend after we played the speed dating version of catch-up, I received, “let-me-help-you-I’m-a-dating-expert-now” sales pitch. I was suddenly regretting I had shared I was single. She had no idea (nor did she ask) that I had spent over a decade as a serial monogamist hoping to get to "I do" only to discover I had a penchant for dating lying narcissists.
Being ghosted sucks. It's emotionally debilitating and disorientating. It's even worse when we've known the person for months or years only to discover they've disappeared without a trace.
I am a successful personal transformation coach, healer and yoga therapist and I was ghosted.
I felt ashamed, confused, depressed and terrified. Feeling this way lead me to subsequently become so disconnected from myself I wound up getting physically injured. I suspected my physical injuries were tied to my emotional upheavals. In my profession I am more than aware the body and emotions are a package deal, effecting the health of one another.
Online dating has a serious bias: our age. In reality (or the denial thereof), the entire world has a problem with aging. Which is ironic given the alternative to aging isn't so great.
The majority of us are using dating apps supposedly searching for the love of our lives or soul mates. Yet, with our instantaneous swipe right or left dating culture, most of us make a judgment about a potential date based solely on age and a photograph. . You’d think we would take a little more time and care on the search for love instead of making snap judgments based on a number.
What if a person wrote, “Whites only”, “No Asians” or “No Blacks” on their dating profile? I had a Mulatto friend who told me they were asked out on a date after being told he looked white enough.
Would that be considered sexually racist?
There are several dating sites like wherewhitepeoplemeet.com, asiansingles.com, or blackpeoplemeet.com for those that prefer a specific ethnicity. But if we are on a site that welcomes and encourages all ethnicities at what point are statements like, “No chinks” no longer a preference but are in fact racist.
The sexbots are coming! The sexbots are coming! It's a sexapocolypse! There is a real fear by some individuals that we may find ourselves at risk by being sexed to death by an inexhaustible robot!
I saw my first version of a sexbot in the 80's when I was a pre-pubescent child watching Cherry 2000, starring Melanie Griffith. It took a long time for the sex industry to take us from sci-fi fantasy films about sexual robots to the reality of Real Dolls and now Sexbots.
We all know our routine when it comes to how we like our sex. Being single and hooking up can be very different from relationship sex in terms of what we are willing to compromise on in the bedroom. Finding and maintaining sexual compatibly with our partners in a world of ever changing libidos that affect desire can be tricky.
When it comes to sex there are those of us who can't live without, those of us who can take it or leave it and a few people who don't like or need sex at all.